exe~cute~

-I swoon and silently weep tears of joy alone in my room-

In the wind, I hear you still.

Still as in remnant, a constant part of me.

Still as in unmoving; will you ever leave?

Distill as in extracting my essence, my vitality.

Ill as in unhealthy, as you pull me towards death.

Till as in lacking until. You are forever my burden.

Tick. Tock. Tick.

Everything was beautiful in that moment, wasn’t it?

Well time’s up.

You want another taste?

You may bite at a simpleton and mediocre treat for a couple of more hours.

However, true transcendental happiness you may chase after, but never to any avail.

Only the blessed experience it, and it is only for some fleeting, drunk seconds of bliss.

Afterwards, a strong punch will hit your insides, and you will understand once again what it means to be human.

Boredom leads me to accept dates with ok guys, but then I get bored and cut it off…

Idk I don’t think I can take this dating thing too seriously until sometime actually entices me fully..

I’m so bored really

I guess the whole “only mad, passionate love” thought applies to my life right now

I think I’m going to sell many of these things online

Red velvet cake.

Red

Vel-vet

Cake

It killed me.

The red of your lips covered every cell, creating with every tiny firework a greater bed of tulips.

That of your blood fused with my own, corrupting the purity of my insides.

Your velvet voice vandalized my psyche with vice, maddening it to schizophrenia.

However your cake… your cake was dull… disappointing…. even pathetic.

Baked for too small a time.

Incongruent.

Incoherent.

You were birthing life, but also without.

How can I love you,

when you are merely 1/4…. 1/6…. 1/8

I woke up at 7am and went back to sleep and had another apocalypse dream and then re-woke up at 11am so I just lounged around super lazily which is completely out of character for me.

Then I watched the Fassbender version of Jane Eyre with my dad because he suddenly really got into period movies and I’m finally bonding with him over something and he totally loved the movie which made me really happy.

Then I went to Poetry Night at Old San Juan and it was the 6th anniversary and I hung out with a friend and her friend who have just graduated like I just have. We heard the live music and poetry and met with this really cute married couple and both have waist-long dreads and the woman is from Russia and we had all had a really cool philosophical and political discussion in their apartment yesterday. Yesterday we went to the beach with my Poetry Out Loud mentor and had met them and they played guitar in the beach and I read them the first two chapters of Eat Sleep Sit out loud.

Anyway then the three of us younger girls went to CVS and bought cheap wine and rum and OJ and saw a hobo fight and then went to El Morro and got drunk there with the beautiful view of Old San Juan and the sea and the lights and the moon and the night and the cats and the stars.

We then went back to Cafe Poético and ate free delicious red velvet cake and we all wrote poems and talked about our parents’ weird religions.

It was nice. I like days like these.

I HAVE GRADUATEEEEEEED!

IT’S DONE

I FINISHED HIGH SCHOOL

I AM VICTORIOUS

so today my school handed out its paper and just randomly one of my paintings was on the cover and whut

nobody asked me ever

I mean, I don’t really mind, but it’s awks

I should be studying for my AP Pol & Gov test…

Instead I’m creeping it out at 1am…

So I’ll be taking classes at RISD too

Everything seems to be in order

It’s here.

I’m going to miss this so much. I really can’t express with any words how much I loved my high school life at my all girls catholic school. I learned so much. I made such great friends. I met such intelligent and amazing people. Even the ones that sucked ass are a part of my life here. I mean, I don’t even know who I’d be without it. It’s who I’ve become and grown up to be. And I love it. It’s given me so much. I’ve had such amazing friends and so many great moments and experiences and laughed so much and even through the times of complete stress and even through the break downs and depressions and all that is shit … I’ve survived and made it through and I made it.

I made it.

And I swear to god I would not change one thing.

I’m going to miss Academia Maria Reina.

I wear my school ring with pride.

I love it, I really do.